The Monopoly Guy

My left contact lens had been irritating me all day, so much so that I thought it was going to either pop out of my eye or jiggle its way back into my eye socket and end up somewhere in my nose.

So just when I could take it no longer, I nipped into a side street not far from Great Portland Street tube, and proceeded to perform rogue street surgery and peel the offending lens off my eye, which was followed by a sigh and a slight chuckle of relief, which was then followed by me on my hands and knees squinting at the pavement, having just dropped the lens.

Dirty and beyond repair and out of the warm saline sea of my left eyeball, the lens rapidly started to shrivel into a clear plastic raisin, and I was soon left wearing a contact lens in only one eye.

I thought, how cool is this! I’ve only got one contact lens in, and nobody knows! It’s a secret monocle! I’m the monopoly guy, strolling round London, staying at hotels on Park Lane and passing Go and collecting £200! How completely awesome!

What a day this turned out to be!