One Of The Most Embarrassing Things You Can Do On This Earth

One of the most embarrassing things you can do on this earth is visit your significant other’s parents’ house for the first time and use the bathroom.

For some cosmic reason, the toilet will, without fail, get irreparably blocked.

So while someone politely knocks on the door and asks if everything’s okay, you stand there, head in your hands, asking yourself why, after only using a few squares of toilet paper, are the waters rising, soon to overflow, swirling with debris and feces, with no end in sight?

Surprising yourself you spring into action, ripping the porcelain lid off the top, gingerly adjusting various submerged pulley mechanisms and a hollow floating plastic ball (what IS that for?), furiously pumping the strangely weakened flush handle, praying for a miracle or a trapdoor, but the only sound you hear, far from the satisfying gurgle that follows a herculean flush resembling a miniature tornado, is that horrifyingly empty belch, telling you that “This water ain’t going nowhere sonny!”

Patiently you claw at your eyes as you wait a thousand years for the cistern to slowly fill again and after repenting on the bathroom rug, you silently pray that this time it WILL flush. You push the handle. Could this be the one? After a second or two the auburn waters and tissue paper start to move, gradually gathering momentum, and YES! IT LOOKS LIKE IT MAY ACTUALLY FLUSH! The swirling waters move faster and faster until, at last, with a choke, it miraculously all disappears down the hatch and the toilet bowl healthily begins to regain its usual level of water. As if having completed a dangerous and perilous journey of the self, you emerge quietly triumphant from the bathroom. Distraught but relieved, having made peace with Armitage Shanks and your forehead beaded with perspiration, a sweaty smile of relief is slapped across your face.

Life is wonderful once more.